he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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