I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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