Define "chronic" masturbator.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
