I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
