that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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