So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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