you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
