mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
