problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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