Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
