Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
