So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
