420 ftw
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
