Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
