I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
