He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
