put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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