PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
