the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Randomize
