Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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