She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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