Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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