Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
