but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
