consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
