i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You pole danced in your parka.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
