What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
