dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
