I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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