playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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