ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
