My sheets look like a crime scene.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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