quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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