margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
