Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Also, beer. Big fan.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
