what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
