Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
