how hairy? two words: wookie tits
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I made him laugh his dick is mine
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
