I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
