have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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