I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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