google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
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Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
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Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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