i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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