Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
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