I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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