My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
