I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize