Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
