yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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