the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
