very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
