Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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