Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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