oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
