It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
