my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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