Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
