Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize