the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
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