LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
