If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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