And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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