Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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