Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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