Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
