I think im going to throw up on grandma
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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