Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
