how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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