I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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