This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper