I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.