Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
