CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
