got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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